I have had many students- across grade levels- coming into my office these past few weeks to report "bullying". While a couple of these cases most certainly met the criteria for a bullying report, I'd say close to 90% of the behaviors being described to me were actually CONFLICTS. As a reminder, here's our school's definition of bullying: "Bullying is when someone keeps being mean to someone else on purpose. The person it's happening to hasn't been able to make them stop. It is unfair and one sided." When a student encounters bullying at our school, the adults take it seriously. First, we gather information from the victim and help them to create a safety plan. We help them practice assertiveness skills and to understand that what happened is NOT their fault, and it's NOT okay. Sometimes the victim likes to "take it from there" and try these new skills on their own. Other times, adults will need to step in to prevent harm. In the second scenario, we meet with the perpetrator of bullying and ask targeted questions to increase their empathy around the incident. We guide them in practicing healthier social behaviors and continually monitor to make sure that there is a meaningful change. Parents will be contacted at this stage if anyone has been harmed or coordinated support is necessary. How can students learn to tell the difference between bullying and conflicts? This is a major aim of our bullying prevention curriculum at BRCS. Classroom Wellness lessons throughout September and October will help students recognize a conflict (which they can learn to solve on their own) and how it differs from bullying (which often requires adult intervention). Conflicts are usually easy to spot because both students are engaging in inappropriate social behavior. One person may have "started" it, but they've been unable to find a solution together. Conflicts are social problems that are not easily solved by the students involved. They often result in hurt feelings, frustration, anger, or tears. Sometimes students are not yet equipped with the necessary social skills to solve a conflict without resorting to unkind words or actions. Part of our job as educators is to help them develop these skills! Here are some steps that our teachers and aides are using to help students resolve conflicts. You can use the same strategies at home to manage conflicts between children at home! :) One of the most important parts of this process is acknowledging the child's feelings. While a conflict between children may seem unimportant or irrational to us as adults, the feelings they experience are very real! Helping kids to manage big feelings to solve conflicts the "right" way is one of the best life skills we can teach.
-Ms. Harris
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AuthorLynsie Harris is a Nationally Certified School Psychologist and the Wellness Director at BRCS. Archives
February 2022
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